ugly people sure do ruin things
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How external is "for external use only"?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
