I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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