if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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