I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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