you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
