I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
