how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
