Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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