it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
