It's like God shit irony all over that family
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
