his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
