he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
