Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
