I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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