okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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