I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
