guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
