Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
