Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
