She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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