Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
