Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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