This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
