She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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