can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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