So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
