I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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