the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
