Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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