His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
