Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
