I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
