One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
