I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
