Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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