If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
