I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
