i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
