I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
