Who did Billy Mays play for?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
