I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
