I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
honey bunches of taint.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
