So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
