Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
