I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
