false alarm. still invincible.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
