My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
please come you make the beer taste better
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
