where am i from again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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