i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
