So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
