so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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