How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
